Parody chain letter. Fertilizer club. US, 1985.

Dear Friend:

      This letter is being sent to you for we know you are critically
interested in your lawn, and the Spring season is now upon us.

      This is a fertilizer club and it will not cost you a cent to join.
Upon receiving this letter, go to the address on the top of the
list and shit on the front lawn.  You will not be the only one there, so
do not feel embarrassed.
      Then make five copies of this letter and send them to five of your
friends who appreciate good lawns.
      You will not get any money or checks, but within one week if this
chain is not broken, there will be 9,216 people shitting on your lawn.
Your reward will come next Spring when you have the greenest lawn in the

Mrs. Harry Butts                  Mrs. Smelly B. Hind
236 Bed Pan Court                 476 Diarrhea Way

Mrs. C. Howie Farts               Mrs. Carrie Potts
682 Fertilizer Way                1422 Enema Drive

Mr. A. Bigger Movements           Mrs. Lucy Bowels
89 Rectum Road                    897 Corn Cob Lane

Mrs. Charles Syringe              Mr. and Mrs. Took A. Fizzik
1420 Suppository Lane             434 Running Loose Lane

P.S. If you are constipated, pass this on to your next door neighbor.
Do not break this chain. (One man didn't give a shit and lost his
entire lawn.)

Photocopy of typed original. Landscape format. Keystrokes preserved. Annotated "10/29/85, Weslaco (?) Texas." Sent to VanArsdale.


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